A Counselor’s
Holiday Message: 2002
There are many signs that we are well into the 2002 "holiday season." In the Northern Hemisphere, the sun is setting much earlier in the day--4:30 here in Philly--as we approach the winter solstice. In the Northeast, there is a blanket of snow several inches thick...ponds have frozen over and the "caution - bridge may be icy" signs on the highways finally make sense. There are the ubiquitous Christmas ads on TV, all the stores in town are playing our favorite carols and there is that look of surprise--not to mention wonder--in the faces of young children as, for the first time, they see Santa from afar in the mall.
It strikes me as interesting how
these cues seem to affect me differently each year. The changes from one
holiday season to the next are subtle, but many subtle changes make for
something approaching significant change when successive decades are compared
instead of successive years. I recently had such an opportunity to review
almost three decades of holiday seasons as changes in the structure of my
family prompted digging out all those many "pictures of the kids under the
Christmas tree," the one's taken since 1973 when my daughter, our
"first child," was snapped in her infant seat under the tree. With
that daughter now 29 and expecting her first child and my son 25 and on his
own, I found myself lost in those photos as my wife and I attempted to date
them so we could put them into chronological order for a montage we wanted to
create for this and subsequent holiday seasons.
I have discovered it is easy to tell
the difference between an infant and a 29-year-old daughter. It is equally easy
to put a dated photo, stamped when the film was developed, into its proper
chronological order. But those dozen or more photos remaining have all but
alluded detection. Like a determined criminologist trying to piece together the
evidence of who did what, when, an hour of reviewing the photos in question
began to yield answers and more photos fell into chronological place as
background color schemes, furniture, hair lengths, and other clues were
identified--and you would be correct if you thought that this would have never
been a problem had the photos initially been catalogued when received from the
camera shop instead of stored in shoeboxes on a shelf in the closet, but as my
grandfather used to say, "you have to bloom where you are planted."
So what does this have to do with a
counselor's holiday message to his colleagues and friends? The holiday season
can mean a lot of things to different people, one popular function being the
"end of the year" inventory many of us mount with its resulting
"resolutions for the New Year." In short, it is a season that prompts
us to pause and consider what changes might enhance our continued journey
towards knowledge and wisdom. If there is one thing on the short list of most
counselors as we deliver our services to clients and students alike, it is to
provide support and counsel regarding the process of change considered by our
students and clients. So what better time of the year for us to "practice
what we preach."
Often, like with photos taken decades
apart, there is no difficulty in recognizing change that has occurred. Such
obvious change can be evaluated regarding its utility, if you will, recognizing
if it has been in the "desired direction." Other changes can be far
subtler, hence difficult to detect, like trying to watch your hair turn gray.
It is difficult to see these changes unless viewed across the significance of a
span of time. Perhaps because the reference points are chronologically so close
as to make discernment difficult, perhaps because we are just too preoccupied
with day to day responsibilities that we cannot see the proverbial,
"Forrest for the trees." In either case, change is a difficult constant
of the human existence to argue against in our lives. However, it is a constant
that we often consider so subjectively as to pursue it for the wrong
reasons—Madison Avenue’s depiction of “beauty—or resist it because it feels
like it is out of our control, foisted upon us in an arbitrary and capricious
fashion by some self-serving “other.” Be that as it may, most consideration of
change is made by "looking back" and tracking progress—or its
lack—from some point in that past to the present.
But as with Scrooge in the beloved
Dickensian "Christmas Carol," it is the visit by "the ghost of
Christmas yet to come" that transforms the quintessential
"Scrooge" and allows him to recognize the need for a different life
path. Scrooge's change is what William Miller has come to call, "Quantum
Change." Others through history have called this sudden and dramatic
change by different names...St Paul in the Christian Bible experienced an
epiphany on the road to Damascus, Bill Wilson, the cofounder of AA, had what he
called a "spiritual awakening" when he found sobriety. Others might
call this type of change miraculous or a peek experience. Call it what you
like, the common denominator in all these experiences seems to be the role of
one's perception of self IN THE FUTURE as a determinant of a course of action
in the present rather than seeing the present as being the simple by-product of
the past and/or our recollections of its events.
What if the present is influenced, if
not determined, by the future more so than the past? What if where I see myself
"in a year" determines the choices I make today? If this is true,
what if my view of that future is one steeped in expected gloom, continued
failure, and "more of the same?" I suspect that this would have
resulted in Scrooge saying something quite different to that young boy seen
from his bedroom window Christmas morning other than, "son, go to the
butcher and purchase that large Christmas goose in the window and deliver it to
Bob Cratchet" and offering the lad a bonus if he was to accomplish the
task in short order.
How often do we inventory our
actions, intending to continue those in the plus column and eliminate or
"change" those in the negative column, only to find ourselves 2 weeks
or 2 months later frustrated with our lack of success, our "failure"
to make the "requisite change"; but what if this is not so much the
result of a failure to change as a success in accomplishing the expected
outcome of the projected future? Have we
become so sure that "future performance is predicted by past
behavior" that we are oblivious to having become entrapped in a paradigm
that suggests the only path to the future is to be found on the straight line
drawn between points in the past on through the present?
There is an old Chinese proverb that
suggests, "One who believes a thing cannot be done should not bother one
busy doing it." My father, not knowing much about Chinese philosophy, used
to tell me that it is aerodynamically impossible for the surface area of a
bumblebee's wings to provide the lift necessary for the insect to fly, but
because the bee did not know the science, and more importantly, expected to
fly, fly it does.
At this holiday time of the year,
with all the myriad meanings associated with the season—the countless cues
stimulating each of the five senses—the message is not just one of "look
back and learn" but look forward and dream, if you will, consider the
possibilities. Most folks have a knack for discovering what they expect to
find. At this blessed and joyous time of the year, my wish for you and your
families is that you dream so that your expectations of the future provide a
clear and positive path through the present to what you seek.
In a world the political pundits and
news reporters tell us is spinning perilously close to the brink of chaos, I
find great counsel in remembering what Abraham Lincoln once proffered when
faced with similar accounts of the world's condition a century and a half ago:
"Most men are as happy as they make up there minds to be." I wish you
peace and goodwill and the opportunity to recharge your spiritual batteries so
as to begin anew the pursuit of success as Emerson described it a century ago:
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest
critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
That is to have succeeded.
Happy holidays and Godspeed in 2003.